Why I Want to Be a Teacher

One of my former students, Alex, called me a couple of days ago to thank me for sending her a letter she thought I wrote to her. In actuality, she wrote the letter to herself during the last few weeks of the summer program through which I met her, and being the goofball that I am, I kept her letter along with those of some other students, so I mailed the letters a couple of days ago (mind that they were supposed to be sent over a year ago).

I called her today to catch up and to see what she was up to. When I was teaching Alex, she was shy, temperamental, and really, really nervous about speaking in public. It was difficult for her to practice presentations because her stage fright would absolutely paralyze her. Through hard work and a lot of encouragement from her classmates, she became a strong speaker, and her team eventually won our site competition despite significant odds.

She's grown so much since I met her two summers ago. She's training to run in her fifth (I know...) marathon, has inspired a younger student to take up running as well, is applying to great schools, is vice president of her student body, and is considered by one of her teachers to be one of the maturest and most well-poised students he has, especially during presentations, which she used to dread.

This was the same girl who was unsure of herself and afraid when I first met her, and now, she's owning the world. Being her teacher has allowed me to see all of this, to be a part of this amazing journey that is her life. Seeing her blossom into the amazing leader that I always knew she was has been one of the greatest honors I've ever experienced, and to have been able to contribute to that (I hope) in at least some small way is more satisfying than most things I've ever done. To even be a part of this amazing girl's life story is a privilege, and being a teacher allows me to meet and hopefully teach and inspire more students like her.

"I want the money, the cars and the clothes, the ---- / I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful..."

Fuck that. If I can spend my life teaching students like Alex, then Drake can want forever, he can have it back. I'm going to be a teacher, damn it.

Afraid to Fly, Afraid of Falling

I'm contemplating going to my first dance class in a very long time. I keep watching YouTube video after video of choreographers that inspire me to move; I freestyle when no one's watching or when I'm drunk and not feeling embarrassed. And yet I haven't touched an official dance class since Shaun Evaristo in 2006. I can only remember falling behind and completely screwing up the routine, and I'm afraid it'll happen again.

It's not like I haven't gotten better. I've danced with a team for two and a half years and even did my own choreography. I freestyle and study beats and rhythm. But I am scared shitless for the intermediate class tomorrow. It's with Jay Chris Moore, and I'm not sure I'm versed well enough in isolation to keep up. We'll see.

I know that if I want to be better, I have to take a chance and be willing to the dunce for a little while. But God knows I'm afraid of looking like a tool.